Busy Atlantans Still Finding Plenty of Time to Hate

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Oh, no, don't worry. We're not too busy.

ATLANTA–Despite a city slogan that Atlanta has used about itself since the 1960s, most citizens find they actually have plenty of time in their schedules for hating, according to a study conducted by the Haight Orr-Aid research department. The director of the study, Dr. Philip “Big Ott” Otterman. PhD, says that hating actually doesn’t take much time at all.

“Atlanta may be the ‘City too busy to hate’ for marketing purposes, but hating takes almost no time at all. In fact, most hating is instantaneous,” said Dr. Otterman. The study used ultra-sensitive face scanning software in conjunction with the same precise clocks used in global positioning systems to detect the amount of time subjects took to begin hating.

“At this time we can only detect a particular kind of hating, known colloquially as ‘mean muggin,'” said Dr. Otterman. “But we hope to be able to detect other types of hating in the future.”

On the street Monday afternoon, reporters found that citizens agreed with the study’s findings.

“Oh yeah, I can hate people before I even meet them. Without ever even seeing them. Sometimes I hate people who don’t even exist, who I’ve just made up in my brain,” said Burt Hoal, a 34 year old plumber from Acworth. “Man, I really hate those sons of bitches.”

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