Botanical Gardens’ 50-Foot Artificial Christmas Tree a Hit

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ATLANTA, GA–A spokesman for the Atlanta Botanical Gardens confirmed today that due to overwhelmingly positive response, the ABG will continue to display its new 50-foot artificial Christmas tree over the coming decade. “We couldn’t be happier,” said the spokesman. “We normally bring a giant pine down from North Carolina, so having this tree cuts down on (no pun intended) lots of intensive labor. For the traditionalist nay-sayers, don’t worry: we have plenty of Pine-scented Febreeze Plugins ready to be installed at the tree’s base.”

The Gardens operates as a non-profit aiming to educate and entertain through carefully maintained plant collections, but rumors abound that the Christmas tree is only one step in a much larger push to transform the entire 30 acres into an artificial house of plants as early as 2016. The ABG spokesman insisted that this was not the case: “We’re doing this solely for conservation reasons; our new centerpiece is made from recycled materials. What’s more green than that?”

The Botanical Gardens draws in tourists and residents alike during its popular annual holiday display and visitors are extremely keen on the sprawling array of PVC tubes. “You can hardly see where the branches would be through the spray paint!” exclaimed Midtown resident Audra Pattini during a recent visit to the Gardens. “I’m all for it. And it’s not like that’s the real Santa sitting there either,” she added, pointing to a Santa-for-hire and putting her finger to her nose in the way that really annoying people do.

When news first broke the decision was met with public outrage, but recent polls show that most Atlantans find the technical feat of installing a giant fake thing far more impressive than seeing an actual living thing of equivalent size. Additionally, only 7% of Atlantans actually consider paying to look at plants a worthwhile expenditure, with 73% using the Gardens only as bragging rights when arguing with friends from “better” cities.