Atlanta’s Whore Panda Births Two More Welfare Cubs

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ATLANTA ZOO–Atlanta’s promiscuous panda bear, Lun Lun, gave birth to two more cubs which will be suckling directly on the government’s teat, revealed zookeepers this morning. Though the mother panda would only care for one of her cubs in the wild, leaving the other to perish in a financially feasible manner, Atlanta Zoo workers will try to care for both male cubs if they have time.

“Aw God, two more freakin Pandas?” said Paul Jarstob, animal handler. “That’s all we freakin’ need around here.”

The cubs won’t be viewable by the public for the forseeable future, leaving the Zoo, and by extension the city of Atlanta, to pick up the tab for their care and feeding until they can be displayed.