Atlanta’s Unemployed Seek Same-Sex Marriages so Politicians Will Talk About Them

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The unemployed are always photographed in black and white. It's a law of journalism.

DOWNTOWN–Atlanta’s unemployed and under-privileged, calling themselves Gay for Jobs, have announced today that they are officially seeking same-sex marriages in hopes of getting a little attention from the country’s leaders.

The movement believes that same-sex marriage should be legal, and that everyone should be able to choose what is best for themselves and their bodies. They would also like to remind the country that a significant number of people are women, a fact hotly disputed by the candidates.

“Why is it,” announced the movement’s leader Jesus Lovzmeigh, “That as soon as you give a religious candidate a microphone they head directly down our pants? Wouldn’t it be much more churchy to help the needy or heal the sick?”

But local church leaders are nonplussed. Atlanta Banana reporters spoke with Rev. Rhea Lee Gaudly this morning via phone.

“Look, we want to do everything we can for the under-privileged,” Gaudly revealed, “but we’re in a presidential election year here. That means we’ve got to scare the hell out of the old folks who vote. The rest of the country’s just got to suck it up until November.”

“Nothing scares the olds like telling them their grandson might marry a dude,” The Reverend added, “except maybe death. But you know, the death thing is kinda the Church’s area of expertise.”

For now, it is unclear whether the move on the part of the city’s job-challenged will garner any attention from the presidential frontrunners, but Lovzmeigh is hopeful.

“I think ultimately a little romance in the world is a good thing,” he smiled, “but what I’d really love is if any of this election stuff — and I mean any of it at all — made the slightest bit of goddamn sense whatsoever.”