ATLANTA–Area mall Santas have descended once again upon area shopping malls, hoping to dissuade shoppers from needless consumerism through peaceful protest. A typical demonstration involves a Santa installing himself on an elaborate throne meant to symbolize the wealth accrued over years of investment and assiduous money management, then waving happily to crowds dressed in bright colors.
The Santas have declared that the biggest enemy to their efforts are the families who proffer adorable children and cash.
“I’m trying to make a statement here, man,” said second-shift Lenox Mall Santa Harry Lapper. “But people keep bringing their dang kids around and paying me money to pose with them. It’s such easy money, I can’t resist it. Really wrecks the whole anti-consumerist thing.”
Lapper sighed heavily. “No one sees me making reasonable investments with the help of a trained financial advisor,” he said.