ATLANTA–Radio listeners are ecstatic this morning at the news that yet more shitty top 40 radio will be sprayed out over the city like some kind of gross fog. Sick to death of driving to and from work and singing along with such artists as Metallica and AC/DC, listeners will now be waging war with traffic alongside a soundtrack from the likes of Nicki Minaj and Justin Bieber.
Dick Whipple, construction foreman and father of two, who formerly listened to Project 9-6-1 on his commute, said “I am just so glad that the radio gods have heard my pleas for more shitty top 40. I simply do not get enough manufactured corporate bullshit masquerading as art in my life.”
But Chip Stir, East Atlanta Village barista and neck tattoo afficionado, claims he will not be affected.
“You mean people still listen to the radio? We should all have iPhones by now. This is why I’m voting for Obama and his Universal Apple Care. Then these sorts of problems will go away.”
Though there are rumors that the Project formerly known as 9-6-1 will move to a separate frequency, for now citizens are zipping along in 1 mph Atlanta traffic with smiles on their faces.
“Every time I hear one of those amazing shitty pop song with tons of autotune on the singer’s voice, I just have to smile,” said Marla Singer. “It really reminds how these trumped-up artists don’t even have to have any talent anymore to be famous.”