Atlanta NAACP Announces Search for Great Black Shark

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Great Black Shark (artist's conception) PHOTO: Terry Goss

WESTLAKE — Long a symbol of fearsome aquatic predation, the Great White Shark (Carcharodon carcharias) is an icon. But some local equality leaders are now saying that, though there is nothing wrong, per se, with the Great White Shark, they’d like to find a Great Black Shark if possible.

Operating out of the Port of Savannah, the team has chartered a small fleet of boats to join in the search.

This week, reporters met with Douglas Fredrick, spokesman for the effort, in his Atlanta offices.

A Blacktip Reef Shark offers only the tip.

“Keep in mind throughout all of this,” he declared, “that we do not in any way condemn the Great White Shark. We simply feel that young fish, and indeed all of us, could use a strong black fish to look up to in addition to the Great White. We want to do everything in our power to find that role model, should it exist.”

“Until now we’ve had to make do with the Blacktip Reef Shark, which is quite a fearsome hunter in its own right. Nothing at all wrong with the Blacktip Reef Shark. The NAACP is deeply interested in more than just the tip, however,” Fredrick confirmed.

Georgia State marine biologist Dr. Aaron Quaman declined to speculate on the NAACP’s chances of locating the shark.

“It’s entirely possible,” he nodded. “The ocean is a huge unknown territory to marine biologists, much like women’s bodies. All the time my colleagues and I are just looking at one another and going, ‘LOL WTF am I doing?'”

Quaman went on to point out that the giant squid was long thought to be a myth until live specimens were collected. Shaking his head, he added “You think you know an ocean.”

Though early searches have turned up nothing, the NAACP remains positive.

“Look, we finally got a black president,” Fredrick concluded. “Finding the Great Black Shark should be no problem at all.”

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