MIDTOWN–Atlanta police officer Patrick Roleman issued a ticket for texting while driving to motorist Misty Vapp-Idd late yesterday, then typed his report of the incident using the myriad of buttons on his patrol car’s dash while driving himself. Sources close to the officer report he is still feeling the effects of the irony.
“What do they expect, though, really?” asked Officer Roleman, recovering in his home. “Have you seen how many buttons there are in our cars? I mean come on. How can you not press those things?”
The ticket is the first for Buckhead native Vapp-Idd, 23 year old recent college graduate and Jersey Shore blogger.
“It’s not fair,” she insisted. “Driving is like, so boring. One thing to push with your foot and a big round thing to turn and that’s it. At home I’m watching cable TV, browsing web sites on my iPad, texting my friends, and I never have a problem. I don’t see why the car should be some stupid place where you can’t text.”
The incident occurred near the intersection of Ponce de Leon and North Highland, where Vapp-Idd inadvertently squished a 24 year old hipster who was most likely on his way to Urban Outfitters.
“Normally you’d charge someone with involuntary manslaughter for something like this,” Officer Roleman confirmed, “but I took one look at the victim’s ridiculous mustache, sweater, and neon Wayfarer-copy sunglasses and I decided to just have the city scrape him into a storm drain and call it a day.”
“Still,” he added, “I can’t just let her go around texting while driving. She might hit a real person some day.”