Atlanta City Council Members Vote Unanimously to Get Themselves Elected Mayor

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ATLANTA, GA–Atlanta City Council has voted unanimously to decriminalize marijuana in a move sure to play well in the November Atlanta mayoral election. Though the drug will remain illegal at the state and federal levels, this legislative marketing could lessen the criminal burden on some drug users.

“Let’s talk about what’s really important here,” said Xichan Chong, Atlanta district 13 council member, “Me being mayor of Atlanta. If I need to get attention in the press by doing some very marketable legislating, I will vigorously espouse the beliefs attendant to that marketing.”

But state lawmakers aren’t as excited about the idea. Senator Snidely Whiplash (R) said he’d sooner die than approach his conservative corporate contributors about state-level marijuana legislation. “I will of course work with whichever of the Atlanta mayoral candidates is successful in this campaign,” he said. “Seeing the traction they’re getting in the media, I only wish I had that card to play. God, they must have gotten like a million shares on Facebook already.”

When asked what this move might mean for first-time offenders who needn’t bear the full weight of big fines and mandatory jail time, Whiplash said, “What now?”

Reporters spoke to Martha Seville, 34, on Pryor street. “Yeah I’d definitely vote for a city council person who made weed legal, but I don’t live in Clarkston. Also I think their mayor is doing a pretty good job and he’ll probably get re-elected. Oh, wait. Atlanta did that too? Huh. Copycats.”