Artificial Female Reproductive Organs Somehow Know to Recoil from Lab Tech Barry

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PHOTO: Canadian Film Centre

ATLANTA, GA–Lab-grown female reproductive organs synthesized by Newfachina Labs have demonstrated an innate knowledge that they should recoil from Barry Findlinger, a lab technician employed at the facility. Doctors are confounded as to how the specimens could know that they should be creeped out by Barry, since they lack basic sensory organs and nervous system.

“Of course, Barry is profoundly creepy. The vaginas are absolutely right about that,” said Dr. Mandy N. Boat, facility director.

Dr. Boat said that Findlinger does “adequate” work, and that there’s no overt reason to let him go, but that there’s still something about him that is “creepy as fuck.” Even so, said Dr. Boat, “A disembodied artificial vagina shouldn’t be able to be repulsed, even by someone as alarmingly unappealing as Barry.”

“This is a blow to my ego for sure,” said Findlinger. “I struggle in my dating life, but that’s one thing. To be rejected by an inanimate vagina that I helped grow is hurtful.”

Dr. Boat said that Findlinger has asked to be transferred to the facility’s new wing, paid for by a generous donation from the Wang corporation, where penises will be grown.