420-FEST–Festival attendee and avid Sticky Tape Dance dancer, Julie “Moonbeam” Sims, prayed feverishly to Mother Earth for jam band Perpetual Groove to end a song so she could go to the bathroom.
The Sticky Tape Dance, done by hippies across the globe, is performed by imagining one is covered head to toe in sticky tape. The dancer then executes vague hand motions to get the tape off their body in time — or not — with the music.
A variation can also be performed by imagining one is covered in spiderwebs.
“Yeah, man,” confirmed Sims. “It’s ‘Moonbeam.’ Anyway, there I was, you know? Just groovin’ along with the music of the world, man, and I realized I had to go. But I couldn’t just leave in the middle of a song with everyone there. What would people say?”
Reporters pressed Sims for details on exactly which Mother Earth she’d prayed to, e.g. Mother Nature, Gaia, Terra, or Mat Zemlya, but the young woman was vague.
Atlanta Banana staff Druid, Pernicious Fancybeard, reached out to Mother Earth for comment via an elaborate ceremony involving the construction of a not unimpressive henge, but was only about midway through the two week ordeal as of presstime.
“Next time,” concluded Sims, “I will be more careful with my hydration. And anyway, it’s ‘Moonbeam.’”