Thanks to contributors Cris Gray, Travis Broyles, Matt Horgan, and Jim Hodgson!
Atlanta Rejoices as Power 96-1 Brings More Shitty Top 40
August 30, 2012 1 Comment
ATLANTA–Radio listeners are ecstatic this morning at the news that yet more shitty top 40 radio will be sprayed out over the city like some kind of gross fog. Sick to death of driving to and from work and singing along with such artists as Metallica and AC/DC, listeners will now be waging war with [...]
Bouncy House Kills 4
August 29, 2012 Leave a Comment
ATLANTIC STATION–What was supposed to be a fun day in Atlantic Station today ends in tragedy as the city’s largest in town shopping and entertainment district hosted an event to celebrate the return of the school year in its central park. What should have been a joyous occasion ended when the Uncle Gropey’s Funtime Moonwalk [...]
Gas Stations Selflessly Raise Prices to Appease Angry Weather God
August 28, 2012 Leave a Comment
ATLANTA–With Isaac hovering offshore, Atlanta gas stations are raising prices in hopes of appeasing Uranus, the angry weather god responsible for rain, hail and high winds. Though meteorologists agree that paying more for gasoline has no bearing whatsoever on the severity of a storm, filling station owners insist that the price hikes are necessary. “We [...]
Disastrous Results for Atlanta Falcons’ Free Pet Falcon Day
August 27, 2012 Leave a Comment
VINE CITY–At the Georgia Dome on Friday, the Atlanta Falcons’ “Pet Falcon Day” promotional event reaped disastrous consequences for attendees. Fourteen fans were killed and hundreds more injured in what University of Georgia media professor, Caleb Norbit, called “the dumbest marketing decision in the history of forever.” The first 500 attendees received free, live falcons, [...]
Sherriff With Slightly Less Felonies Concedes Election
August 23, 2012 Leave a Comment
CLAYTON CTY–Former Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrain, with only 36 felony counts, was forced to concede the race for office last week when his opponent announced possession of whopping 37 felonies. “It’s heartbreaking to lose by a single felony,” said Coltrain at a press conference late Wednesday, “I guess I should have dragged one of the [...]
Topless Activist Spreads Awareness of Self
August 22, 2012 Leave a Comment
ATLANTA–Carlie Poobs, actress and part time telemarketer, has announced a new foray into the political arena this week by removing her shirt and writing slogans on her topless body to raise awareness that she is attractive. “I just think, you know, that corporations are important, like me” said Poobs, whose body bore some anti-wall-street wording. [...]
INFOGRAPHIC: What are we Avoiding on I-285?
August 21, 2012 Leave a Comment
It’s not just the line of demarcation between the hipster domain of ITP and the land of babies and treeless parking lots known as OTP. For many of us it’s a lifeline. We salute you, I-285!
Emory University Invents New Passing Grades: F thru Z
August 20, 2012 Leave a Comment
DRUID HILLS–While it might seem strange to hear of college students graduating with a Q plus average, that could be the reality in the coming years. Emory University is now allowing its professors the full spectrum of the alphabet to use when grading student papers, all of them passing grades. “I admit it sounded weird [...]
Voters Reject Controversial Six Flags White Water Plan T-SPLOOSH
August 16, 2012 1 Comment
NORTH ATLANTA–Metro Atlanta Voters on Tuesday rejected a $600,000 improvement plan that White Water officials deemed urgently needed and local 6-12 year olds called “totally cool!” The defeat of the plan leaves the Atlanta region’s primary water park with a water slide congestion problem that has no solution in sight. Morning “Rush Hour” at White [...]
Recent Comments