20 Story Downtown Ferris Wheel to Facilitate Orderly Panhandling

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It is not necessary to email the editor to say that this is London's wheel, the London Eye. We know already. Thank you. PHOTO: Diliff

ATLANTA–Our City Council approved plans this week to allow a 20 story Ferris Wheel to move from Pensacola, FL to Atlanta, where it will facilitate easy and orderly panhandling of our city’s tourists.

Currently, downtown panhandlers are forced to approach potential change givers wherever they can be found, typically on sidewalks, in parking decks, or at gas stations. The wheel will allow panhandlers to form an orderly line at right angles to the passenger gondolas. In this way, tourists can be easily and sequentially annoyed to the point of never visiting Atlanta again.

“This is a great leap forward for our Metallic Currency Associates,” said Art Fuldojer, Director of the League of Home-Challenged Urban Gentleman. “We can’t wait to get started.”

Fuldojer also stated that his car had broken down and he just needed a few dollars to get some medicine for his sick grandmother so she could drive him to his daughter’s graduation before they all three die in one week from acute inoperable neck measles.